The electrician said he’d be right there, which of course meant it was 90 minutes before he arrived, diagnosed a fault in the door opener, replaced it and reset the remotes ($407, including labour and GST, thanks very much), and fixed the safety switch so The Companion could get into the garage, whereupon he remembered we threw the saw out because it was both rusty and blunt and a new one would be cheaper than getting it sharpened; so he got in the car and drove to Bunnings.

On the way he decided to stop to pick up the dry cleaning but couldn’t find a park. Thinking he’d be only a few minutes, he stopped in a clearway outside the shop, and by the time he got back to the car, a ranger was writing him a ticket ($161). At Bunnings he found a tenon saw and mitre box (only $25 – well done him!) and drove home without further incident.

Armed with the saw, he took a bit off the end of the plank, and found it was now about half an inch too short to function as a shelf. Exhibiting remarkable ingenuity, he adapted the off-cut of the plank into three legs to support the short end of the shelf, and replaced the wine. Liberally applying WD-40 to the clasp on the toolbox, he eventually convinced it to open and located the screwdriver and a spare bracket. Now armed with the necessary tools – and a mere three hours after starting – he was able to remove the screws holding the metal bracket to the shower wall, replace the bracket and secure the soap dish.

Since it had been an arduous (and expensive) day, and a warm one, too, he decided to have a shower. You can see where this is going. When I found him he was sitting on the floor of the shower holding the broken soap dish. He calmed down a bit after a second whisky.